The Key to Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back - The Paint Method

Published: 05th January 2009
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If you're reading this article, then you're probably going through a pretty difficult period in your life right now. The relationship you had with that great girl you were dating has come to an end, and you feel powerless to do anything about it. In fact, anything you do seems to push her farther away. I want you to take a breath and keep an open mind as you read what I'm about to share with you. The following are a series of steps I took when I was in your position, which helped me get my ex girlfriend back. Since then, I've had friends use the method with great success and that's why I decided to write an article about it.

Now, let's begin.

The four steps of the Paint Method are as follows:

1) Separation Period

2) Painting Class

3) Initial Communication

4) Face to Face Meeting

Step 1: Separation Period

The first step in getting your ex girlfriend back is to cut off all communication for a period of two weeks. This may sound counterintuitive at first since you're probably thinking to yourself, if I stop calling/texting/emailing her, she'll forget about me easier and move on. You want to hold on to any connection there may still be - but don't. Resist. The reason for this step is two-fold. First it stops you from digging you're hole deeper. Face it, everything you've been doing up to this point hasn't worked so your stopping it is obviously better than continuing it. Second, it lends credibility to step two. In general, women make these types of decisions based on their emotions and the emotion your ex girlfriend is probably feeling right now is frustration with the status quoe. She doesn't like how she feels in the relationship anymore and part of that is based on her perception that things (you) can't/won't change. Taking a two week separation will allow her to think that maybe something has changed. Now obviously not a lot of change can take place in two weeks, but you've got to give her a reason to believe something might have changed. If she believes this, she'll be more willing to reopen the door.

A word of caution: it's possible she'll try and contact you before the two weeks go by. This is natural as she'll notice that your pattern has changed- you've stopped initiating contact and she'll wonder why. This is one of the moments where you'll feel the urge to reengage- to show your cards and tell her how much you miss her. And she'll make it quite enticing. After all, she knows your buttons and she'll be willing to push them to find out if she's really losing control of the situation. You must not reengage. I repeat, you must not reengage. If she calls, tell her you're on your way out the door and you can't talk. If she texts- respond but use very short one or two word texts, etc. The idea is to communicate to her that you've got other important things in your life you need to focus on. In short, prematurely rebuff her communications- but nicely.

Step 2 Painting Class- During the Two-week Break

Now this step may seem odd for a lot guys, but I want you to follow me for a second. When my girlfriend broke up with me, I was distraught. I didn't know what to do with myself - thinking about her non-stop. So I decided to do something off the wall. I went to a local art store that offered painting classes, and took a class in which everyone painted the same the same picture during the class. Over the course of a two hour period, I painted a pretty cool painting. And I actually had something to show for it when I left.

The reason for this step is it's something that your ex-girlfriend would never expect you to do. When she finds out from you after two weeks that you painted something in a class, it will throw her for a loop. She'll ask herself, what does this mean? And that's what you want her to do, because it allows you to fill in the blank: you've changed. There's a side of you she never know about, etc. Guaranteed, she'll want to figure it out. The other aspect of this step is that it's tangible. It's not just you "telling" her you've changed. You actually have proof- something that you can go on and on about, she has to see with her own eyes. This will set up the pretense for the face to face meeting which comes in Step 4.

Step 3 Initial Communication

This step is the first consequential communication you'll have with your ex-girlfriend after the two weeks have passed and you've taken the class. You'll send her an email asking her how she's been doing. Then you go into how things have been picking up for you and that you even took a painting class and put together the coolest painting. Express real enthusiasm for your achievement and tell her that you're looking forward to getting more into painting.

Another thing you'll want to do in this email is tell her about a cool female friend you made during the class. Don't make this up- actually strike up a conversation with any woman in the class- old or young. The important is that you not give up to much information to your ex. Just throw in a sentence or two about a cool girl who took the class that you found interesting. Don't overdo it. Less is definitely more in this case. Women get insanely jealous anytime they hear about you interacting with another woman. Sprinkle this in lightly and move on.

Finally, tell her that she'll get a kick out of seeing the painting and that she should stop by sometime to see it hanging on the wall in your home. Again, this is the beauty of this method. It sets up a credible reason for you and her to meet up and it's not just that you miss her so much...

Step 4 Face to Face Meeting

If you've done all the previous steps as outlined, chances are you'll find yourself showing your ex-girlfriend your painting in your home. This is another one those critical points that you have to be cautious. During this whole interaction, she'll be trying to figure out what's changed. Have you really moved on? And who is this mysterious girl you met in class? Most of all, she'll be trying to figure if she's lost control. And to do this she'll pull out all the stops to get you to reveal that you still want her. She might even try and get physical. Your job is to maintain a detached, friendly and confident demeanor. Just keep focused on the painting. Tell her about how you've learned about yourself, etc. Under no circumstances are you to tell her that you did any of this for her. If you do, she'll be gone before you can turn around. Now be prepared because this is a difficult step. Try and keep it as short as possible. Show her the painting, chat a little, and then tell her you have to take off to take care of some things. Show her to the door. It might seem awkward, but the idea is to throw her off. Remember the whole point of this method is to get her consider the possibility that things could be different with you. Your job is to open the door to this possibility.


The Paint Method is designed to change the dynamics between you and your ex-girlfriend from a situation in which she is distancing herself from you to one where she wants to get closer. This is accomplished by you demonstrating a side of you which she has not seen before. The painting class serves as vehicle for this purpose and it has the added benefit of providing tangible evidence. However, keep in mind that if you get you ex back and things revert back to how they were in the past, you'll probably end up losing her again. The key to keeping your girlfriend for the long-term is to actually take steps to improve yourself. Develop your other interests. Focus on them instead of her and you'll have her chasing you.


I hope this technique works out for you. Feel free to drop me a line at if you any questions and please let me know how it works out.

Also, if things don't work out, check out Vin DiCarlo's dating program. This is truly the way to learn about dealing with women so that you can have women chasing you. He offers a ton of free information at:

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